Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Warm milk, jumping sheep, and Tylenol PM

So I haven’t been sleeping well. I have been having trouble falling asleep & staying asleep. Even though I wake up many times during the night, 4 o’clock seems to be the magic hour of my sleep deprivation. Almost every morning I wake up at 4 and stay awake for almost an hour. This morning (at 4) I started wondering if there was something special about 4. Is my subconscious preparing me for an event that will happen at this time?

I seem to recall a movie where the main character woke up every night at the same time. In the movie this was actually the time the character was going to die. Oohhh, scary stuff. So after frightening the be-jezus out of myself imagining mob hits, home invasions, and freak tree accidents, I decided I should think positively. Maybe there is a good reason to get up at 4. Here are just some of the possibilities:

• I’m going to be hired as the manager of a new Dunkin’ Donuts coming to town. Everyone knows the donut maker has to get up early

• I’ve somehow become linked to the Michael Jackson death inquiry. It might be the only time I can slip past the hoards of paparazzi to get to the grocery.

• Maybe I’m going to meet a new best friend who lives in Europe, and she loves to have long chats while drinking her morning tea.

• 4 o’clock might be the magical hour for running fast and if I could only convince myself to get out of bed, I would start having miracle workouts.

• I might become a hero when, as the only person awake at 4, I put out a fire, save a baby, stop a robbery, or perform some other act of heroism in the neighborhood.

Well, that’s all I have at the moment. I’m sure I’ll think of more.

Probably tomorrow…

at 4 o’clock…

Sigh….

Saturday, January 24, 2009

No Excuses & No Apologies

No Excuses & No Apologies

I will never claim to be a grammar wizard. Now, I can tell the difference between a dependent and independent clause. I can diagram a mean sentence, and my subjects and predicates usually fall into line. But I also know I still make plenty of grammar and punctuation errors. Some I make on purpose, and I don’t apologize for those. But as I’ve been reading more blogs, emails, texts, and notes on social sites, I’ve realized that there are a few grammar mistakes that drive me CRAZY! Most are rules that I teach to eight year olds ever day, so I don’t think there is any excuse for getting those wrong. On that note, here is my take on the general state of grammar in the year 2009.

First things first, the things I will not apologize for…

I am in love…with the ellipsis…
I don’t know how it happened, but I have fallen head over heels for them. I’m not really sure why, but they’ve seemed to creep into my writing over the past several years. Lately I can’t even seem to write a text without including one of these three dot wonders.

Maybe it’s because I write like I talk. I just bang out the ongoing dialogue in my head. As I write I hear myself narrating the text. So when I pause, cock my head to the side, roll my eyes slightly upwards and think, I often insert an ellipsis. To me, an ellipsis indicates thinking. So obviously I’ve been thinking a lot more before I speak. I also find myself using an ellipsis to end sarcastic remarks. (Not that I ever make any of those…) How else do you show sarcasm? I’ve been trying to think of some kind of symbol that I can trademark for that.

The other way I show a pause in my writing is by using a comma. I’m a comma criminal. I know I use too many, and often in the wrong places. Whenever my internal narrator pauses (for slightly less than ellipsis time) it triggers my right ring finger to strike the comma key. I didn’t realize how many unnecessary commas I used until I got one of my favorite professors in college. She loved to cross them out with her red pen. I would get papers back with tons of neat little red X’s blotting out all my precious pauses. Then I became afraid to use commas at all. Four years of avoiding complex sentences. I don’t know how I made it through. Even after college I was still wary of them. I would try to remember the comma rules and delete the extras. But one day I decided I was over it. I like to pause. I like commas. So, I’ll use them whenever I want to. No apologies… If it bothers you, just pretend like you’re listening to me reading this wonderful blog to you, pausing gently at the commas and more so at the ellipsis.

On the other hand, there are things I won’t accept excuses for. (Oops, did I just end that sentence with a preposition?) These are the homophones. (words that sound the same but are spelled differently) I know they can be tricky, but PLEASE pay a little attention and choose the correct one. If you genuinely don’t know which one to use, I teach spelling every day at 2:00. I’ll save a desk for you. Anyway, here they are… my top three no excuse/homophone pet peeves:

1. Your- There are two. Your and you’re. Your means belonging to you. That is your dog. There is your house. There are your pink fuzzy slippers. You’re means you are. You’re (you are) funny. You’re (you are) not really going to wear that are you? You’re (you are) thinking that I have really lost it.

2. There- Slightly more tricky because there are three: their, they’re, and there. Their means belonging to them. That is their dog. That is their house. Those are their pink fuzzy slippers. They’re is like you’re. It’s two words- They’re (they are) going to the park. They’re (they are) eating seakitten for dinner. They’re (they are) never going to speak to me again after reading this blog. There is the easiest one. It shows direction or where something is. The cat is over there. There is the couch. There is my straightjacket.

3. To vs. too- To is another basic preposition. I’m going to the store. Do you want to come to the party? By now I’m guessing you think I should go to h… Too is used more for expression. There is too much food. That is too funny! I know you think I’ve gone way too far.

Please take note of these, otherwise I may be forced to correct your errors publicly, and that just wouldn’t be pretty for anyone. Print my little guide and leave it by your computer. Then you can refer to it next time you feel compelled to respond to my status update on Facebook.

And one more thing… it’s not punctuation or spelling. Just something else that annoys me. Please re-learn to use your shift key. You know, the thing that capitalizes letters? A key SO important that the keyboard creators put TWO of them on your board, in very convenient locations.
Ok, we can read your writing if you don’t use it, but it’s kind of like not using your turn signal. All it takes is an extra little flick. Sure you can drive/type without it, but that’s just being lazy. And everyone knows how you feel about the guy who doesn’t use his turn signal…

Friday, January 16, 2009

Dorothy vs. Dracula

A new post of an old story...

Actually it's probably a new story, because I never printed it anywhere, and I don't think I told it to very many people. It's an example of how weird/funny my job can be at times.


2/13/07
It was Favorite Story Book Character Day. I was going to wrap black string around my body and paste on some words so I could be the web, from Charlotte's Web. I thought that was a little weak though. I settled for my 6 year old Dorothy costume. I was disappointed in my creativity, but considering I was one of only two teachers who actually dressed up, it wasn't too bad. It made Friday a weird day though.

I didn't realize how weird until I found myself dressed as Dorothy telling a boy dressed as Dracula, "if you wouldn't call the principal a Stupid Toilet, then you shouldn't call anyone else that either." He just looked at me and started laughing. (Even though the situation was a bit ridiculous, I didn't appreciate this 8 year old laughing at me while I was reprimanding him.) Then he says, "I didn't call him a stupid toilet, I called him a super toilet."

My job is so strange sometimes.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Obi Wan, Diamonds, & a Skeleton Key

Originally Posted November 7, 2007

So what's the weirdest thing you have in your desk right now?

As a teacher I often find a lot of things just lying around my classroom. I also confiscate stuff that kids are playing with in class. Most of these things end up in my lower-left desk drawer without another thought to them. Today I had some extra time, so I decide to clean out my desk. I had quite an adventure looking at all of the things I've collected over my last 4 years at Harrison. I thought I'd share some of them with you...

1. A miniature figurine of Obi Wan with movable arms and legs (he's seen in the photo riding a supercool motorcycle and also with the mini terrorist playing cards)- which leads me to number 2

2. A miniature deck of terrorist playing cards, featuring Saddam Hussein as the Ace of Spades. Either the third graders were playing poker at recess or thought they might run into a terrorist on the teeter-totter. Maybe a little of both...

3. A tennis bracelet, only missing 1 stone. The third grader who gave it for me did an appraisal and said they were "real diamonds".

4. Someone's house key. If I ever find out who it belongs to...HOUSE PARTY!!

5. A crochet hook- ??? not a clue where this one came from

6. A tiny lock and large skeleton key

7. The ever popular superball. Which is no longer in my desk drawer since I was having fun bouncing it off the walls when I found it, and now it has disappeared...

8. One perfect attendance pin. Show up at all my parties and it's yours!

9. A matchbox ambulance. Perfect for transporting Obi Wan to the hospital after he falls off the supercool motorcycle. Unfortunately for him I didn't find a miniature helmet.

Last but not least...

10. Bloody tooth in a bag. (too graphic for the picture) I don't know how someone didn't miss this one, but I just found it on the floor. I keep forgetting to bring it home and put it under my pillow.

Well, that's just some of the weird stuff in my desk. What's the strangest thing in your desk?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

So I guess I’m now cooking Christmas dinner for my parents. Our plans for Christmas had been to go to the Ramada buffet on Christmas day. If you know me, you know I HATE buffets, but was willing to endure the so-so food to make my parents happy. Although it was quite festive last year watching children play in the “oh so classy” chocolate fondue fountain. But my dad called tonight and said that he couldn’t make reservations because the Ramada will not be open this year because of some management problems. He said not to worry that we would find somewhere else to go. And then he uttered a statement that I swear stopped my heart. He said, “There’s always Golden Coral.”
Now, to understand why this sends shivers down my spine, we must rewind back to last Thanksgiving…

Last Thanksgiving my family (me, my mom, and my dad) were supposed to go to my aunt’s house for dinner. At the last minute my mom got sick, and my dad didn’t want to go that far. He suggested the two of us go out to eat instead, “Golden Coral is open,” he said. As much as I hated the thought, I went because I knew that’s what he wanted to do. I had no idea how bad it would actually be. Let me start by saying normal families do not go to Golden Coral on Thanksgiving. If your family was there, I’m not apologizing. Just face it, you’re not normal. Anyway, I digress. I honestly do not know where they found the people to populate the restaurant on this particular day. Possibly a bus traveled into the past to the old “Let’s Make a Deal” television show and Monty Hall opened up door #3 and announced “Road trip for everyone!”

For example, as I walked up to get my salad (which is about all I can stomach at a buffet) I came upon a woman in a jumper. Now there’s nothing too out of the ordinary about a woman in a jumper, except this woman was not wearing a shirt under this jumper. It was 20 degrees outside and this woman was wearing a plaid jumper with no shirt. Oh, and there was the bow tie. Yes, she had on a plaid jumper with no shirt and a black bowtie.

The best though was what happened to be sitting right in front of me. Sitting in front of me was a woman, or what I thought was a woman until he/she turned around. This person had on an orange vest, a bright, florescent orange vest. As if the vest wasn’t blinding enough in its natural state, when the man stood up, the vest had been bedazzled with “Jesus Loves You, " across the back. A bedazzled Jesus vest. I could die. I had now seen everything there was to see. Well, that's what I thought until he (I was pretty sure it was a he at that point) put on the hat. Yes, there was a hat. It was black felt with a wide brim. And there were streamers. Like the streamers attached the end of a little girl’s bicycle handlebars, there were red and blue streamers adorning this hat. The hat on the head of the man in the bedazzled Jesus vest.

So, as soon as my dad blurted those two most dreaded words, I swear I had a vision of sitting there on Christmas Day, walking to the buffet, and drowning myself in the large vat of orange jello with pineapple chunks.
I couldn’t let it happen. No more holiday atrocities. I immediately offered to make dinner. Dad did try to protest, but I said that my mom had never seen my house, and they should just come over here. It would be NO problem for me to make dinner. Anyway, I like to cook, and I will do anything, absolutely anything to never, ever, have to go to Golden Coral for any holiday again. Unless of course…it’s Halloween.

Epic Adventures

Original post date: October 28, 2007

People are always saying things to me like, “that only ever happens to you.” For some reason, I seem to be a magnet for hilarious & often bizarre events. Maybe it’s a combination of my klutziness and craziness. Maybe it’s that I’m willing to try pretty much anything. Maybe it’s because I make friends with almost anyone I meet, leading me to end up in strange situations with these new friends. Maybe it’s because I share my name with Lucy’s best friend from the “I Love Lucy” show, and heaven knows those two got into countless interesting adventures. Well, whatever the reason, I have an abundance of nutty stories just floating around in notebooks, journals, and my head. Now that I finally feel like writing again I’ve decided it’s time to share some of them. So as I have time I’ll start posting them so all of you, my friends, can share my “I can’t believe it” moments.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What is a Mz.?

Mz. [miz]
noun plural Mzes.

1. a title of respect prefixed to a woman’s name. Unlike Miss or Mrs. it does not depend upon or indicate her marital status.

2. a state of mind, one who is free from stereotypes


So, what exactly is a Mz. and what is the purpose of this blog?

Those of you who know me well know I’ve been on a long and hard journey in the last couple of years. I started this school year finally feeling settled and content with my new life. So I decided to make my name fit my current state of being. After years of being Mrs. Ringle, I decided to make the very slight change to Ms. Ringle. (It also subtly ended the questions I would sometimes get from parents about my husband or when I was going to have a baby- which by the way is a truly rude and personal question)

Anyway, a few months ago I was listening to one of my favorite podcasts “You Look Nice Today”. The guys on the program somehow got on the subject of “The Ms.” They made a stereotypical profile of a “divorcee, lonely, and frumpy woman that knew how to knit, read mysteries, had basic cable, and liked cats” And even though it was very funny, I was still somewhat offended. I DO NOT know how to knit…well, anymore. And there’s nothing wrong with basic cable!

Since then a few of my friends (you know who you are- CRAIG) made fun of me and my Ms. status. If I go home early and put on sweats, I’m becoming a Ms. When I put the electric blanket on my bed, I’m a Ms. When I used my great-grandmother’s quilt on my guest bed, total Ms.

So one day I decided, I’m not a Ms. and I don’t want to be a Ms. I decided that I would be a Mz. instead. No difference you say? Well, to me there is. I live free from stereotypes. I’m not sitting at home waiting for life to happen to me. I’m making my life happen. So I’m a Mz. (besides, how often do you get to use Z’s anyway?)

And the reason for the blog? I’ve always been a writer, and I needed a creative outlet for all my random brain barf. I started a blog on my myspace account awhile ago, but I didn’t really like the format, so I decided to move my files here. Thus “Snuggie Tales” was born.

Why “Snuggie Tales”?- You’ll have to wait for another post for that one.